My Mirror-Selfie Reflections

The 60+ lbs that happened between these pictures have changed everything for me. I am grateful for what they taught me… and also to have released them!

The difference between these two pictures is life changing to me, and it has everything and also nothing to do with how I look.

Essentially, my body today is just one piece of evidence that proves to me the power of practicing what I teach… that doing the inner work is the fastest most sustainable way to create outer results in all areas of our reality. 

Recently, while enjoying the first overnight away with my hubs Jake since my son was born, I caught my reflection in the mirror and snapped a selfie (the AFTER picture above). It was just a random moment of awareness and self celebration that I didn’t give much thought to.

Today, I share it with the intention of inspiring you to know just how much is possible once you allow yourself to become your own role model, and to offer insights from my own journey of upleveling from a place that was somewhat successful (but hard and stressful) to a place that is a wildly fulfilling abundant adventure.

Over the past few days, before I knew I was going to post this, I found myself drawn to this picture again and again. I have had so many full circle realizations and am grateful for my scientific background that creates my urge to document everything.

I also debated with some nasty internal visibility gremlins about wether or not to share this with you, thinking to myself:

“Is it professional for me to show a pic of me in my skivvies?”

“But I don’t coach body transformation anymore! What if people start asking me for food plans and workouts?”

But here’s the thing, sooooo many of you have been asking what I’ve been doing, and my body has transformed because of what I coach.

So here’s an overview of what had to change for me to experience results I described above, hopefully shared in a way that helps you in your own process.

First, and most important for you to hear… The external results you see in my body and in my business are the results of internal transformations. 

I have been following a unique process I created almost two years ago and have been refining ever since. It is based on a combination of what I have learned from my life experiences, as well as my 20+ years as a coach using my degree in sports medicine and a multitude of certifications including human needs psychology, energetic quantum physics, metabolic based nutrition, relationship coaching, and mindset. All that sprinkled with an attitude of curiosity, self love, and self acceptance.

There is no one size fits all diet plan, workout routine, conversation script, or business formula that I have to offer. 

What I do offer is the possibility that we can use our own circumstances and biofeedback to customize an action plan unique to our personal desires and goals.

I am essentially my own best case study, so let me continue with more #bts glimpses of what I mean and how these pictures are just one piece of the puzzle.

The picture on the left (before) was taken 8 years ago. It was one of a dozen selfies in attempt to make sure every pixel looked as good as possible. All but this one of them got deleted amidst groans of self disgust.

My body at that time was the result of rigid diet rules (rules that left me feeling guilty for occasionally having a poolside cocktail, or created panic that I had to do extra cardio if I had a “cheat” meal). 

I also had rigid rules for how I did business, and relationships, often feeling stressed about what I allowed myself to share in conversations with one friend or client vs another, or feeling guilty if I made a lot of money doing something that came easily to me.

It was exhausting to have such high expectations of myself, always trying so hard and yet never feeling good enough. 

Food logs, weigh ins, financial metrics, marketing stats. You name it, I literally had spreadsheets everywhere that consistently proved to my chronically over-achieving-people-pleasing self exactly how less than perfect I was!

What else you can’t see in this first picture is how attached I was to a certain number on the scale that I allowed to confirm or deny if I was deserving of success and love.

Actually, no matter how many compliments I got on my body, I was incredibly insecure, and nervous to send that pic to Jake (we were still dating back then). 

Subconsciously, I was relying on my flat abs to be a source of my beauty and self worth, and was taking that picture as a way to prove to him I was desirable. 

When I did send it to him, I anxiously waited for his reply, needing him to validate not just that I looked good… but that I, as a human being, was good.

I also believed at that time that how hard I worked was directly related to how proud I was allowed to be of myself.

And so I did things in a way that made getting results with my health, wealth, and relationships hard. I wasn’t even looking for simple or fast options because I was so used to struggling for success I couldn’t imagine another way. If that sounds like you, I hope my story at the minimum shows you it doesn’t have to be as hard as you’re probably making it.

Well, the scale has gone up by 60lbs and then back down again between these two pictures. So to some, it may seem nothing is different. 

But what I know to be true is that EVERYTHING about me is different!

Most freeing? That there is no longer any number in any spreadsheet that I give the power to determine my worth.

It feels important to say again… 

THERE IS NO NUMBER ON THE SCALE OR IN MY BANK ACCOUNT DETERMINES MY WORTH. 

Numbers no longer define me, they simply inform me. 

I don’t obsessively check them OR avoid them. What I do is regularly observe them, and adjust my choices accordingly.

In the “after” picture I see a version of myself who chooses to be grateful and celebrate when I see any change, because to me it no longer defines if I am good or bad, right or wrong, it is simply an indicator to me of how I am existing in life, in business, and in my relationships with self, others, and money. 

I now know that my body is essentially just one metric that I can trust to tell me when I am on OR off track. My physical reflection in the mirror is less about how I look, and is more about how much of my potential as a human I am currently allowing. 

I have dialed in how to connect what my body does (or doesn’t do) to show me the answers to questions like:

  • Where am I making things harder than they have to be? 
  • How am I blocking the next success I say I want? 
  • What is a better way to direct my resources of time, money, and energy?

These pictures don’t show how my weight fluctuated during times when my marriage was navigating painful misunderstandings and disconnects. What I know is that today we are in a place of intimacy that teaches, challenges, and inspires me daily in increasingly beautiful ways, and again, my body reflects that back to me.

They also don’t show that I have played small in my business time after time by trying to do what worked for others instead of by learning how to recognize what was in alignment for ME. By learning what worked for my body, the same principles have also gotten my bank account healthier.

You also can’t see in these two pictures that I have been pregnant 5 times, almost died during childbirth, and ultimately experience the joy of being a mom to one perfectly healthy baby boy born just 4 months ago.

Side note… my heaviest wasn’t even while I was pregnant! It was when my self-confidence, and my connection to my purpose was the lowest.

My biggest number on the scale has also synced up timing to when my bank account was at its smallest.

To be clear, I know correlation does not equal causation, and I am NOT saying that your version of physical health has to be the same as mine, or that you can’t make tons of money while being physically unhealthy.

What I am saying is that in my personal experience, over the past decade my body has consistently and directly reflected back to me my own internal condition.

Every time I pushed harder or looked to others for approval, the scale would go up, even when my food choices and workouts hadn’t changed.

Or when I would resist following my intuition, the scale and my bank account would plateau at uncomfortable numbers.

Earlier this week, I took the picture labeled “after” as one and done, thinking “damn I’m hot” and then moved on with my day. I didn’t know I would feel called to share it publicly. I didn’t even show it to my husband until just a few minutes ago!

And that’s my whole point. This picture, to me, serves as a reminder that our bodies can be incredible at telling us what we most need to know. If you’ve read this far, please take what can serve you in your own journey of living your best life.

  • The next time you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, what can you choose to love and celebrate about what you see?
  • How can you be grateful for what the numbers in your life are showing you?
  • What comes up for you when you journal on the questions I suggested earlier in this post?
  • What ideas do you have if you allow yourself to imagine results you desire being easy?
  • Before you make your next health or financial decision, ask yourself, how does this choice get me closer to or further away from my best self?

These are some general suggestions I hope you use to explore what I mean about this being an internal transformation that is simply reflected on the outside.

For myself, I expect I will always be in progress, and have no doubt that there will be weight and income fluctuations in my future.

What I commit to is not to be a certain weight or to make a certain amount of money. Rather, I commit to continuing this practice within myself; to seeing myself for exactly who and where I am, and choosing to change anything that doesn’t feel like it’s my best.

As I mentioned before, I document everything. I have dialed in my process in a way that I have never seen taught anywhere else. It is specific, repeatable, and customizable. This process doesn’t have a fancy name yet, but if you’d like to be in the loop for the next time I teach it in detail, click HERE to be the first to know.

For now, I’ll love you and leave you, and as always, I’m rooting for you success!

Xx // B